THIS is that post!!!

Hallelujah! I found out I am at zero today :)  I've yet to hear from my doctor who will update me on further instructions... (which I am hoping are that I don't have to go through next weeks daily treatments.) But... she did tell me, that I would still have to even if I was at zero after the first week. It seems like dr's often overshoot a little so they don't get your hopes up, so.... if that's what she was doing, it didn't work... my hopes are up :) 

update: I got the call... and I still have to do next week.... darn. 

Either way, I am very thankful and happy.  The moment where she told me I was at zero was everything I had hoped it would be.  I realize this sounds like I am describing my first kiss or something.... but it was probably comparable.
Last week was no fun.  Mostly because of the extreme nausea all week long.  Friday and Saturday, I was basically out of commission, Sunday was much better, as was Monday.  Today I am still a little weak in the stomach, but overall I feel my energy coming back. 
I am so grateful for all of the love and support my family has received during this time.  From babysitting to meals to planting flowers for me and the support I feel from my immediate family who live far away but who wish they could be here. I feel so spoiled and blessed to be surrounded by so many thoughtful people.  And my sister Amy is coming next week to help me, it will be so nice to have my sis here.

Sweet and Sour

Oh the joys and pains of being a mother.  Last night my son melted my heart and then crushed it a little right in the same moment!  I was laying down with him, trying to help him go to sleep, and he said... in his sweet way, "Mom? you know?   I love you so much."  
then, I said.... ' Oh, thank you, I love you so much too.'
Which was immediately followed by, ' But, you like to yell a lot, sometimes.. huh, mom?'
I admitted that I do and asked if he still loved me, and he said yes.  

Is it just me, or can you see the mischievousness in these kids cute little faces?

This is not that post.....

Well, I know we were all excited for this to be the wonderful post where I tell you that I am at zero.  But, it is through tears that I inform you.... that this is not that post.  This is the post where I tell you that right at the end my numbers decided to go up!!!!????? That's right...  my test came back as a 12! If 8 was obnoxious, well 12 is just unacceptable!

But... it gets worse.  Starting next week (monday the 17th) I will be getting daily treatments for five consecutive days.  That's right... daily!! And I was getting fed up with the weekly!  I will get a week on and then a week off and then will do another 5 days starting May 31st (as a nice little birthday present). So I will at least have to do 10 daily treatments, even if I am at zero after the first week.  But I may have to do 15 if I'm not at zero after the 2 weeks of treatments.

I am getting the same kind of chemo drug... methotrexate, just in a much lower dose.  But I guess the point is that my body is getting the drug more frequently. I also have to still do my weekly blood tests. And on top of it, I have to go to the lab some time this week to get another chest x-ray to see if it has spread to my lungs.  Blah... blah... blah.

These past couple of weeks have gotten really hard.  The first 5 or 6 tests I was really okay with it all.  I mean it wasn't fun, but I knew it had to end some day, right?!!! But, it's just so hard to always worry about a babysitter... and people here have been so helpful, but the past few weeks I just ended up taking my kids.  And that seems to trigger some rule of the universe that everything has to happen slower.  I used to go to the lab in the mornings, but I have been getting a lot of colds and haven't been wanting to get up at 6:30am.

I got so frustrated that I ended up even complaining to both the lab people and the chemo people!  It has been ridiculous! The first few times I went to get my chemo shot, they had the shot all ready when I got there, so it didn't take long at all.  But, then... it's like they got lazy.  And there are always about 7-8 women just standing around and I'd show up at my scheduled  appointment, and they'd say something like... 'oh, your here... we'll call down for them to get your shot ready.' And then, I've had to wait an hour or even an hour and a half to get my shot!!!! And it seemed to always be the time that I had the kids! And last week, my dr. forgot again to schedule me on my regular Wednesday slot (which is a day that I don't watch Annelyse.), and I had to do it on Thursday, when I had all  3 kids!

Well, that did it for me... I walked in with all 3 kids and when they told me I had to re-register and they would get the shot up, I finally just started crying in front of them.  And expressed my frustration.  Well, they sure hurried that time!!! It only took about 15 minutes to get the shot up there! Amazing how you have lose all of your mind and all of your patience just to get people to do their jobs! The same thing happened at the lab.  After, I expressed my frustration of unexplained slowness, they got me in within 5-10 minutes!

Well, this is getting long.  I just hope that my little temper tantrums have made an impression and my daily tests don't take an hour each.  The drive itself is 30 min. there and 30 min. back.  I am just so thankful for the offers of help I have already received.  And last night, G surprised me with a DQ blizzard. He is the nicest.  I know that God is watching out for me still during this time.

I Love Being a Mom!

I am not saying it is perfect.  But I would never trade my life with my two beautiful children for a life without children.  We had a great Mother's Day weekend.  G took me to a nice dinner, and we went to see Iron Man 2 (which I found highly entertaining.)  I am so grateful for my husband and all he does to show his appreciation for me.
Life has definitely not been easy lately.  It is so hard to entertain kids when you just don't feel good and have no energy!  This difficulty seems to grow exponentially as well.  But, I think the best motherly advice I ever received was from Nephi.(nephi 16:29)
'And thus we see that by small means the Lord can bring about great things.'
 This has brought me a lot of comfort lately, because motherhood is full with things that are generally thought of as 'small means'. I have been trying to focus more on the seemingly insignificant moments and realizing their great significance. Doing the dishes seems small, but it allows me to keep a clean home for my family, therefore... it is a great thing.  
Taking a moment to say a prayer when I can no longer stand another whine or telling one child to quit hitting or picking on the other.  Seems like a small thing, but brings about great consequences.
Well, those are just a few thoughts that I thought I would want to remember in the future.  

Dinosaur Museum

It's funny how you take things for granted when you live right next to them, and appreciate it when you live far away! We never went to the dinosaur museum when we lived in UT, but I took the kids by myself when we were there last Thanksgiving and convinced G to go with us this time.  I just think it is an amazing museum.  It advertises as the world's largest dinosaur museum.  It also has an Imax theater in it and we got to see a 3D dinosaur movie.  It was very cool  We had a great time. 

I love to see the Temple

We were glad to see the new Draper Temple.  It sure was a beautiful drive to get there too. 

We also got to go up to Temple Square and see the Christus statue.

I got to see the original statue in Denmark when coming home from my mission... I just love that statue.

And of course the Salt Lake Temple.  Such a beautiful building. 

Maiya Hilton

Sleep and Travel don't mix!

Since traveling makes sleeping much harder... here are some ways my kids adapted their sleep on our recent Utah trip.

Quincey sometimes uses so much energy on trips that he falls asleep in G's arms... so cute.  (this was while we were at the Dinosaur museum.)

My daughter is so spiritual, she even prays while she is sleeping!!!!

And apparently the new trend with beds is to sleep under them not on them.  Maiya fell off the bed we were sleeping on and just fell back asleep.  In the morning I found her like this!

And Scooby Doo just slept stretched out on my lap.

8 is the natural number following 7 and preceding 9

Okay, I have now officially achieved the obnoxious number........ the number 8! What a traitor number!! It has always been my favorite in the past. lol! It's not too bad. I'm just glad it's coming down. I think we can say pretty confidently that this will be my last shot. So one more! I am so excited to maybe have a life beyond hospital drives and lab draws. I will still have to have monthly lab draws, but that sounds like heaven compared to weekly. The lab has been so super slow lately! Especially not fun when trying to juggle the kiddos.

The past couple of weeks I have been feeling quite nauseous. Very picky about my foods. Which of course explains why I haven't been updating my recipe blog. I am so awesome about starting things and getting bored of them real quick. I'm surprised I wasn't more of a 'playah' in my youth.

As I said in my last post I got to go up to BYU Women's Conference this past week. It was a great trip and Julie Beck is my hero. And I am definitely planning on going next year as well. Geren enjoyed getting away for a couple of days and seeing family. The kids had a blast as well, of course.... oh, and lets not forget Scooby Doo! He misses his lady chihuahua friend.  Pics to come.